


Tonight (tonight)

by Tulikettu



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fjord loves the ocean, M/M, Tea, no one likes sleeping alone, not beta read I live with my mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26750563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tulikettu/pseuds/Tulikettu
Summary: Sometimes having a bed of ones own isn't exactly what's needed.And sometimes you have to use too many words to confess your feelings.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 3
Kudos: 68
Collections: Pride Month 2020





	Tonight (tonight)

**Author's Note:**

> For the 2020 Pride Month Prompt #4. Late Night Call
> 
> Title taken from The Smashing Pumpkin's Tonight, Tonight (but with different punctuation). Song and lyrics here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFTIX3zl_8s The song is a little bit sad, but a little bit hopeful, and though it's not a songfic and I didn't give it this title for any reason other than it's appropriate, if the lyrics fit...

It’s rare for them to all have their own rooms when they’re on the road, but Jester’s mom has insisted upon it on their return to Nicodranas after a long battle somewhere in the north. It means all of the rooms in the Chateaux are taken up and not bringing in any money, but they’re all too tired to argue or protest her generosity. They just want to sleep and recoup. At least the party manages dinner, even with a few of them nodding off into the bowls of food set out before them. At length Veth excuses herself in order to head back to her family just as everyone else heads for their rooms, dragging their feet and murmuring goodnights before doors close one after the other.

Fjord thought he might wash before bed, but the sheer weight of his exhaustion means that the moment he sits on the bed he’s pulled down against the pillows and he’s out, on top of the covers with most of his armour on. 

An hour or so later his brain goes from non-functional to just goddamn tired and he wakes up suddenly because of the absence of noise, of other bodies around him, breathing and snoring and moving in their sleep. Of rain hitting the top of the dome or birdsong from the trees above them. The balcony door is closed - he didn’t get around to opening it - so he doesn’t even hear the waves. For a heartbeat he wonders where Molly has gone, why there’s space on the bed beside him. 

Fjord blinks, rubbing a hand over his face as his stomach drops and wonders why he doesn’t think of any of the others. Why doesn't he think of Caduceus, who has been taking up the space beside Fjord in taverns and inns for months now?

Why Molly?

Fjord gets up and finally peels off the rest of his armour, stacking it against one of the walls. Then he goes to the balcony doors, opening them and welcoming in the sound of the ocean to break the uneasy silence. He closes his eyes and breathes in the salty air, feeling tired again but also sure he won’t sleep any time soon. 

It’s when he opens his eyes once more that he notices a presence on his left. He can’t miss it, really. Caduceus is bright. Colourful and also just- bright. 

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” the firbolg says quietly, his voice soft and warm in the still air. “I was hoping to remain still enough that you wouldn’t see me. Or I wouldn’t surprise you, at the very least.”

“You’re a little hard to miss,” Fjord whispers with a smile. “No offence.”

“Oh, none taken at all,” Caduceus replies easily. “Would you like me to go back inside?”

“No, no, on the contrary,” Fjord rubs his hands over his face again. “I think I’m looking for company.”

Caduceus nods. He’s reclined on the chair on his balcony, one leg crossed over the other, arranged so elegantly. Fjord is unsurprised to see that he is drinking from one of his small cups, the teapot on the table before him, as though he’s settled down for the long run. 

“I can go and unlock my door-” Caduceus offers, because Fjord’s comfort and happiness is above his own always, and it’s frustrating to see. Perhaps Caduceus doesn’t crave alone time like the rest of them, perhaps he’s had his fill of it, but still Fjord doesn’t want to impose.

“It’s fine,” he replies as earnestly as possible. “I’m okay with this.”

  
Caduceus inclines his head gently, looking out towards the horizon that still shows traces of the sun’s light, not yet completely gone. “I am enjoying the view,” he says. “The ocean is quite wonderful from this distance.”

Fjord huffs a little laugh. “I woke up because I’m not used to the silence. I thought the ocean would make me feel better.” He tracks the horizon with his eyes, the light from the Wildmother’s lighthouse piecing the deepening darkness, calling boats home.

“You’ve had people sleeping around you for a long time now. I can understand that.” Caduceus brings his cup to his lips and drinks quietly, his own eyes closing as he enjoys the tea.

Fjord sighs, leaning on the barrier of the balcony. “I woke up wondering where Molly was,” he says quietly, as though he’s admitting some deep secret. “First thing I thought. Where’s Molly. It’s been so long since I shared a room with him, I don’t know-”

He trails off and it’s quiet for a few moments. Fjord gets that. They pretty much replaced Molly with Caduceus, though none of them look at it that way, and none of them think Caduceus means any less. He’s no less one of their family. But it’s still a lot to wake up missing Molly when Caduceus was the last person to sleep next to him. Not that Fjord is thinking of it that way, just- shit. He sighs again, heavier, a weight settling in his chest.

“Were you in love with him?” Caduceus asks, though his tone is softly curious. No judgement. 

Fjord doesn’t need to think about that answer. He shakes his head. “We all loved him. But no- it wasn’t like that.”

“Perhaps you just need to grieve a little more? That’s reasonable. You didn’t get a proper goodbye, and you haven’t had a lot of time to just process how you feel, no matter how long it’s been. Those things are all very important factors to moving on.”

Fjord nods. Being around Caduceus is so soothing. Calming. There’s ever any judgement, just offers of advice or a patient ear. If Fjord had said yes to the question of whether he was in love with Molly, Caduceus would have remained unruffled. They’re all such messes, they don’t deserve this man, but at the same time he’s the thing they need the most.

“Would you mind unlocking your door?” Fjord asks. 

  
  


Caduceus’ room smells like a forest, and Fjord doesn’t really know why or how that would be. But like everything about Caduceus, it’s comforting. The beetle armour is piled on top of the cleric’s bag, his staff propped up against the wall. It gives him a curl of anxiety to know that neither of them are armed, neither of them have any extra layers of protection on. It takes time to feel relaxed and safe. Caduceus’ bed is slightly rumpled and gives the impression that he, like Fjord, had a quick sleep to ease the exhaustion before something roused him. 

“Do you want some tea?” the firbolg asks, arranging his teapot on the dressing table and filling it with more water. “It might help you sleep.”

“I don’t know yet,” Fjord says, going to sit on the bed and then realising it’s not his to get comfortable on. Not even one they’re sharing. One of the few chances they have for privacy and Fjord is flagrantly disregarding it at every step.

“Please,” Caduceus’ gestures to it with a wave of his hand. “What’s mine is yours.”

“You’re very generous,” Fjord replies, his tone gently reprimanding as their cleric is selfless to a fault. 

“No. I don’t need things,” Caduceus shrugs, pouring himself a fresh cup of tea. “And what I do have is mine to share.”

Fjord sits, and then Caduceus settles beside him, making a contented sound as though he’s been weary and it’s a relief to take the weight off. He’s warm, it radiates from him and heats Fjord’s skin.

Fjord feels better having him close. Just- better. He wants to sleep here with Caduceus, warm and soothing, breathing beside him, that presence on the peripheries of his touch that makes him feel a lot less alone.

“You ever been in love, Deuces?” Fjord asks at length, looking down at his hands folded in his lap, twisting his fingers together to distract himself from glancing up.

“Oh, hm,” Caduceus hums, and Fjord knows he’s cocking his head, giving the question real thought, though it’s neither complex nor a question one should have to ponder too long. “It’s not been something I’ve been too familiar with, you know? Up until now, that is. So I don’t know if I’m just enjoying the company and overthinking it or if it is something more.”

Fjord turns to look at him and is just met by Caduceus’ profile, serene and peaceful despite the enormity of his answer. 

“You think you’re in love?” Fjord asks. It can only be one of them, then. One of the Nein. Someone Caduceus is around all the time, whose company he enjoys. 

“It’s a wonderful feeling,” Caduceus replies, still serene, a tiny smile on his face as he looks into his tea. It’s certainly not the way Fjord looks when overwhelmed with his feelings. “It’s a blessing.”

“Are you gonna tell them?” Fjord asks more urgently than he intends, desperate to know. To be loved by Caduceus would be amazing, that kindness and tranquility, to see the levels of it reserved that one special person. It would be incredible. Passionate in a way that Fjord doesn’t think he should be contemplating right now when they’re so close, sitting on a bed with no chance of being disturbed-

“Not now. In time perhaps. If it is to be,” Caduceus finally turns his head to meet Fjord’s gaze, his expression so soft. “It’s a lot to put on someone.”

Fjord thinks that, actually, there would be nothing better than going into battle, knowing he was loved by this man, as though the sheer power of Caduceus’ love would act as a shield. It would give him something more to live for, to fight for in those moments when his courage wavers. It’s enough right now to think of all the things he  _ could _ miss, all the possibilities that he doesn’t want to die without having the opportunity to attempt. But to have the prospect of a future with Caduceus- that would be more motivation than anything Fjord has had before.

“Would you like some tea now? Or would you like to go to bed?” Then, before Fjord can open his mouth to ask, Caduceus adds “These beds are a lot bigger than the ones we usually share, so it should be less cramped and quite cosy.”

Fjord wants to cry, forcing breath out through the new tightness in his chest. He wants to be loved in this way, cared for and made comfortable, able to relax and know he’s safe. The Nein all look out for each other, but there’s something more to being taken care of, attention that is solely for him.

Caduceus dims the lamps in the room, then takes off his thin shirt to get into bed. Fjord is still in the shirt and small clothes that are all he has beneath his protective layers, feeling both over- and under-dressed at the same time.

“Ah good, we can still hear the ocean,” Caduceus says happily as he settles down, tugging the covers up to his chest. “That’s nice. I was hoping we could.”

Fjord listens, it’s not loud but it’s clear. The waves crashing in the distance.

He pulls back the covers on the other side and gets in beside Caduceus. “Hey, thanks for this,” he whispers, his head turned to the side so that he can see that striking, beautiful profile again.

“It’s a pleasure. I hope you sleep well,” Caduceus replies quietly, wriggling around to get comfortable, settling on his stomach facing Fjord with his eyes closed, long lashes fanning over his cheeks.

“I will,” Fjord says, knowing it’s true. This is so much better. 

Caduceus’ leg brushes against Fjord’s calf, and gods if he doesn’t suck in a breath and feel a rush through him. 

“I’ll always take care of you.” A whisper breaks through the comfortable silence, just breathed out from Caduceus, as though he might not have intended for Fjord to hear. It makes butterflies explode in his chest, and in the forefront of his mind Fjord thinks ‘ _ I love you, too _ .’

**Author's Note:**

> I decided this year I'm going to write a big Fjorclay fic for NaNoWriMo, rather than coming up with something original, so if any of you have any prompts or wishes or anything, drop them in the comments and I'll use a few.
> 
> I'm posting four fics today, sorry for the spam.
> 
> Take care of yourselves, and be kind to each other.


End file.
